But if I write it down, that means I have to do it.
One of the struggles of ADHD, wandering minds and beyond is that it can be terribly complex navigating the, I don't want to feelings, for example. Maybe we get caught in the sense of where they come from, or more often than not, we're trying to outsmart them. Of course, that can lead to its own troubles. So what do we do?
"I don't wanna" feelings can run deep. Have a listen to episode nine to get a sense of what they can be about. One place they crop up is in even admitting that something exists. A report, the taxes, whatever it is, can become so dreaded that even writing them down becomes a terrifying enterprise.
If we write it down that means we would admit to ourselves that there's this thing to do.
As odd as that might seem, it's simply human. We can expand that notion to the world of therapy, for example, if we give voice to a problem, maybe we're making it worse.
I think we inherently, naturally gut level, know, that as we pay attention to something, some emotion, something that's stirring the back of mind, barely cresting into consciousness, we start to give it a form.
Words, thoughts themselves are this cresting of the emotions, this consolidation, crystallizing of them into our minds.
"Did I just say something dumb in that conversation? Well, if I don't call it out, maybe no one will notice."
The same idea happens within us, even if there's no one to see, but ourselves.
One of the foundational skills in the WAVES approach to practicing ADHD, is that of anchoring. It's a simple pen and paper technique. It's probably something you've done before, but didn't realize that there were some unwritten rules that were around it, and so it maybe faded out and you wondered what happened to it. You may have felt that success, but then it was fleeting, illusionary, like so many others.
But once you know its rules, well, then you can start to practice it. And you can use it at any time. You don't have to use it. It's there when you feel like it. It's particularly helpful when feeling scattered, confused, exhausted, really any negative emotion really. Or even a positive one if you wanna feel like I wanna focus a little more strongly in this direction or the other and not get lost on some rabbit trail.
Pause - the hardest thing you can do.
This is not brainstorming. If you find yourself brainstorming, that means you are associating. Things are being pulled to mind from what is already there, likely as a result of pausing to reflect. That can be quite natural.
But this is also a form of indulgence - in the meditational way of speaking - you are inviting a process to tea.
To manage here, consider writing down "Brainstorm."
What if it’s something you don’t want to do? You could write it on the side, cordon it off
Or maybe you are wondering, what's on my to-do list, let me consult there. That would also be an indulgence. Instead, consider writing down "consult to-do list".
The idea is consult your own mind.
You might wonder what do you do if something else comes to mind - something to do later? Some neat idea to develop?
Maybe give those a separate space - e.g. a Today list.
Sometimes you may have 1 or 2 things in mind. Sometimes 5 or 10, maybe more.
You have now Anchored.
At any point, circle an option that you feel makes sense to be with now (See Note 4 below)
Now, this all seems simple. And it is simple. But so is meditation. Which, in particular for wandering minds, can feel quite difficult.
Fortunately, I find this much easier than the typical rest your mind on your breath type of meditation.
One of the major muscles to practice, you'll quickly find, is the sense of writing down options as opposed to tasks.
A wandering mind tends to be zoomed in. The periphery - short-term memory is in short-supply. Meanwhile working memory, what we are playing with in the moment is in full blast. As a result, as thoughts pass by, we know that they are short lived. We'll lose them quickly.
If you've ever used a microscope you can understand. If you see something, you better not lose it. The nature of the mind being the lens itself is that you forget that you lost something.
As a result, we tend to hold onto things, jumping from one thing to the next in a near instant calculation if "do I have the momentum, the motivation to do it?" "is this more important than what I'm doing?" or it might all boil down to " this is shiny or on fire" and there is seemingly no thought process - you may even find yourself there without having realized it.
So when you do catch a thought - it is immediately a burden - it is "I have to do this while it's on my mind", but because it can be so heavy, some affront to our sense of agency, we might decide "if it's important enough, it will come back to me." whether by floating back again or by the urgency of a deadline.
Whether we do it or not isn't the issue. It is that we are forced to make a decision then and there, further weighing down on us as decisions do. That pressure of time, however, makes it that much worse.
And this is the majority of our experience when it comes to decisions, particularly with those things that we might be avoiding.
As a result, the anchoring process - this idea of transitioning from task to option is so new. It is simple but not familiar.
Think of anchoring as creating a menu for this moment. Only this moment. By writing the options down, that short-term memory, that part of us that is trying to hold onto the multiple possibilities, the probability cloud of the Next can now relax. That energy is now available to actually consider the option rather than hold onto it for fear that it will run away.
Try anchoring. What is it like to create this moment's menu? Can you feel the difference of creating options over tasks?
Listen to this week's Rhythms of Focus S01 Episode 57 - The Power of Anchoring with ADHD – Options Over Tasks and let me know if it resonates.