I once heard that buying a book was a purchase of two things:

1. The book itself
2. The fantasy of having time to read it

Knowing this should be enough to alter behavior, right?

Nope. My library grows.

The world of productivity can be a delusional one. We hold on to the hope that we can do everything while ignoring the clear indications that we cannot.

Adding things to inboxes, creating absurdly long lists, storing notes in infinite digital storage, and more all ignore time and working memory.

Time is not only limited by our mortality, but by the fact that we can only act sequentially. Meanwhile, the mind as powerful and ridiculous as it is, seems to continue its wanderings into impossible horizons.

Maybe I can tell myself I’m building a library. There’s nothing wrong with that. I like having a library.

But I also know that when I circle an option on my anchor pad (PDF), clearly deciding “this is where I want my mind to be”, I am also clearly deciding against the rest of the Universe, at least for this moment.

It’s in that last phrase, “at least for this moment”, that I can pretend that I can do everything “later”, that I’ll live forever, or whatever fantasy eases the moment, ignoring how Future Me might be burdened by the world’s weight of decisions once again.

Yes, I can hyperschedule. Yes, I can plot out the next 5, 10, or 20 years. Each of these are their own versions of delusional thinking when I believe they could actually reflect a reality to be.

While every moment opens a single door as infinite others swing shut, I remind myself that when I pause to mourn the fantasy, this moment becomes stronger.

I don’t think there’s an app for that.

– Kourosh

PS. Completely unrelated, this song is awesome.