The 4th of July.

A lovely day for an argument.

Invited to a neighbor’s house for our requisite sausage and burger fiesta, resting in my post-prandial glow, along came a discussion of ADHD…

Is ADHD real?

It seems like everyone has it now. What symptom isn’t ADHD?

Isn’t it over-diagnosed?

And as wary as I am of my propensity to run roughshod over such conversations, I did so anyway.

My unsuspecting audience, perhaps now captive, heard me out as I dove into:

• the clear evidence that such symptoms exist
• the importance of recognizing downstream effects
• the tendency for named things to have us believe they are definitive entities,
• and more.

They seemed to listen. But it wasn’t until I said …

Names and diagnoses can be abused to orchestrate our own fall into victimhood.

… that eyes really lit up.

They don’t have a choice! It’s not like they ask to have ADHD.

Many have no options, no opportunities!

And other versions of …

How dare you!

Certainly, I admitted, history is rife with such regular travesties, including those who are made to suffer with one set of characteristics or another.

But the hackles had been raised. My empathic attempts fell on deaf ears, as I gradually felt a cliff’s edge I’d inadvertently positioned myself in front of.

Our host, wonderfully both keeping the peace and finding a way forward, recognized the problem.

She noted the issue was in our differing definitions of agency.

Some define agency as having a full range of options. But to know whether someone has “full options”, *requires an external other*, real or theoretical. It means that there is someone who “knows better”. They would know what the options are and whether some are unknown, restricted, or outright denied.

Such definitions, then, risk a relinquishing of the power we have. By focusing on others’ power, we can easily lose sight of our own.

What if we instead take agency to be within ourselves? What if it is simply:

our ability to decide and act non-reactively.

By describing a place within our own mind, agency can now span both productivity and psychology.

We can focus on the world we have before our individual selves.

Whether there is a denial or loss, whether we can or cannot act because of whatever factor, we can only decide from where we are, whatever our conditions. In discovering restrictions and the unknown, internal and external, we can do what we can to puzzle our way forward.

Whatever the issue, as I’ve seen described by both Freud and posts on social media, our mental health may not be our fault, but it is our responsibility.

Once we take charge of what we have in front of us and where we can act, we transition from victim to survivor, from wasting to thriving.

– Kourosh

PS Thankfully, my audience realized that they were not, in fact, captive and brought us to a wonderful discussion.

PPS I’m putting together a “podcast tour”. Are there any podcasts you listen to where you think I’d fit? Do you know anyone you could introduce me to? Hit reply and let me know…