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Injured Agency: Why “Just Do It” Doesn’t Work
When Agency Feels Injured
When it comes to a wandering mind, we often struggle.
We lose things. We drop things. We lock ourselves out of the house. We dive deep but then disconnect. We wade through scatter. We can do well here, but not there, but only today, and not tomorrow, and not yesterday, and it’s not clear why.
Through these repeated gaffs and stumbles, many of us begin to believe that something is wrong with us. Throughout we may well fear that were we to decide, we may well choose poorly.
It’s difficult to compete with these direct experiences that seem to tell us so. When we struggle to get things done while others nearby appear to make their calls, do their work, and get to things they enjoy with little difficulty, we can wonder, “What gives?”
The Weight of “Why Can’t You Just…?”
Well meaning others, alongside our own internal voice, may even point out our problems and ask,
“Why can’t you just…?”
We lose trust in ourselves, and more specifically, in our sense of agency, our ability to decide and engage non-reactively.
In other words, this core sense of agency, becomes raw, injured, and hurt.
“Why can’t you just!” statements, only reinforce this injury.
Reframing Demand Avoidance
When we tell ourselves or hear from others to do the laundry, the taxes, the whatever– and then some sensation holds us back, what is that?
Some call it “demand avoidance” or “pathological demand avoidance.”
Author Megan Anna Neff has a well-considered article on her blog, Neurodivergent Insights, in which she makes a case for calling it “Pervasive Drive for Autonomy.”
Core is the feeling “I don’t want to,” or its close cousin “I can’t be bothered.”
When I hear these phrases, from others or my self, I hear it as a cry of injured agency, the skill and degree to which we can decide and engage non-reactively.
Agency is not all-or-nothing; it’s something we can nurture, even in small moments.
Consider, if you notice that “I can’t be bothered” feeling today, try pausing for a moment. Can you be with the materials of the work for even a moment? If so, what are the sensations that come to mind? Whether you do or do not do something is less the issue than building the sense that you can decide meaningfully for yourself.
- Kourosh
PS In the next post, we’ll take a closer look at when that inner self yells, “no!”
What is Productivity?
Productivity is many things. For some, it is about doing a lot in a little time.
But, truly, productivity is so much more. It is about:
- Setting yourself up for success.
- Being focused where you want to be.
- Doing things that you find meaningful.
- Being creative, sometimes even in harsh environments.
- Forging your own paths.
- Finding your voice and delivering it well.
- Knowing and actively deciding on your obligations.
- Knowing where and how to say “no”.
- Avoiding procrastination.
Too often, many of us fall into just going along with and fighting whatever the world throws at us. “Go with the flow!”, we say. Meanwhile, we might think, “I’d like to do that one thing. Maybe one day I will.” The days go by. The goal never arrives, and then we wonder why or blame circumstance.
But when we learn to take charge of our lives and the world
around us, we start living life with intention.
Of course, striking out may seem scary. It takes courage to live life with purpose and on purpose. Roadblocks and worries, fears and concerns show up everywhere.
This is my passion. I want to help you to find that sense of your own unique play to meet the world so that you can:
- Create a life that is yours.
- Find and follow an inner guide in a way that works for you and those you care for.
- Decide on your obligations and meet them while building the world you want.
Productivity Journal
Deciding Without Drama: The Skill of Agency
Let’s dissect agency
Injured Agency: Why “Just Do It” Doesn’t Work
When your mind wanders and the world asks, “Why can’t you just…?”—it’s easy to doubt yourself and lose trust in your ability to choose. In this installment of our agency series, we explore how repeated stumbles can injure our sense of agency, why “demand avoidance” is really a drive for autonomy, and how a small pause can help you begin to heal and reclaim your power to decide.
Injured Agency: Why “Just Do It” Doesn’t Work
When your mind wanders and the world asks, “Why can’t you just…?”—it’s easy to doubt yourself and lose trust in your ability to choose. In this installment of our agency series, we explore how repeated stumbles can injure our sense of agency, why “demand avoidance” is really a drive for autonomy, and how a small pause can help you begin to heal and reclaim your power to decide.
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