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To the Dishes, To the World, I say “No”
Just as I’m about to do the dishes, someone calls from the other room:
“Hey, would you do the dishes?”
Suddenly, I no longer want to. What gives?
Beyond decision, there is the person making it. Us.
This ability to choose, to steer our own course, is at the heart of our existence.
When we stop trusting ourselves to make choices that feel meaningful—choices that serve us and those we care about—we can feel unmoored. Our sense of self, our personhood, starts to unravel.
So when someone tells us what to do—even if we were about to do it anyway—it’s not just the decision that’s taken away. It’s as if our personhood itself is under threat.
The Toddler Within
We can collapse, rebel, or even protest with the raw energy of a toddler insisting, “I exist!”
“I don’t wanna,” and “No” are the simple and powerful ways to tell the world, “I exist,” We instantly create a contrast, through contest, through opposition drawing a line between ourselves and the world. This injured sense of agency screams, “I am!” even if that looks like lying on the couch.
And, when we’ve manage to fight against our inner resistance, stumble into some flow forward and someone else says, hey “do the thing” that we were about to do anyway – we collapse – not because of some chemical, but because our sense of agency–our ground for practice and growth–feels that it has been taken.
When stress rises, the waves in the sea of a wandering mind grow rougher. Our simple desire to exist—to steer our own little boat—becomes even more urgent, as we strive not to drown.
We internalize these outside voices. Suddenly, when we tell ourselves to do the laundry, that “responsible” part can feel like just another bossy stranger—someone else to resist.
Our own inner nudge—“Hey, I should do that thing”—can start to sound like an external authority. And our wounded sense of agency pushes back: “No.”
- Kourosh
PS. This post is part of a series exploring agency—how we find, lose, and reclaim it. The full series is now available as a Rhythms of Focus podcast episode, free for your listening pleasure.
What is Productivity?
Productivity is many things. For some, it is about doing a lot in a little time.
But, truly, productivity is so much more. It is about:
- Setting yourself up for success.
- Being focused where you want to be.
- Doing things that you find meaningful.
- Being creative, sometimes even in harsh environments.
- Forging your own paths.
- Finding your voice and delivering it well.
- Knowing and actively deciding on your obligations.
- Knowing where and how to say “no”.
- Avoiding procrastination.
Too often, many of us fall into just going along with and fighting whatever the world throws at us. “Go with the flow!”, we say. Meanwhile, we might think, “I’d like to do that one thing. Maybe one day I will.” The days go by. The goal never arrives, and then we wonder why or blame circumstance.
But when we learn to take charge of our lives and the world
around us, we start living life with intention.
Of course, striking out may seem scary. It takes courage to live life with purpose and on purpose. Roadblocks and worries, fears and concerns show up everywhere.
This is my passion. I want to help you to find that sense of your own unique play to meet the world so that you can:
- Create a life that is yours.
- Find and follow an inner guide in a way that works for you and those you care for.
- Decide on your obligations and meet them while building the world you want.
Productivity Journal
Injured Agency: Why “Just Do It” Doesn’t Work
When your mind wanders and the world asks, “Why can’t you just…?”—it’s easy to doubt yourself and lose trust in your ability to choose. In this installment of our agency series, we explore how repeated stumbles can injure our sense of agency, why “demand avoidance” is really a drive for autonomy, and how a small pause can help you begin to heal and reclaim your power to decide.
To the Dishes, To the World, I say “No”
“No” tells the world that we exist.
To the Dishes, To the World, I say “No”
“No” tells the world that we exist.
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